i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Bring me that man meat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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