Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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