Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
