So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
