I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize