i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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