I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
