Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
