New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize