Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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