My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will pee on everything he values.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize