Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
