I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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