I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
