My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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