i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
