There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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