Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize