She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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