She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
