did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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