i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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