Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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