you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
