found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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