I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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