somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They took my balls.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone came in the potted fern
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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