I could have mohawked her pubes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
