we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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