I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
