I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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