He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize