Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
