need another drink. this is the easiest way
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
