I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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