I'm going to jail i love you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
