The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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