you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
