Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize