Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
