I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
