You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
