there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
