Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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