Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
