You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize