fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
