I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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