Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
