Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This house was built for laser tag.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
