did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
