I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
