1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
