The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
