Someone shit on the floor
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
