Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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