I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize