Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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