i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
lets start a swedish sibling band together
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
