I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
babies were throwing up all over the place
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
