You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
