a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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