Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
