I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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