please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
