I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
