Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
