I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
