just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
