garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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