Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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