You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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