I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
