they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
